the rice of the fitness freak…

I recently joined the elite class of fitness fanatics… recently as in some 4mths back… so I am not a new yr junkie (just reiterating the fact I had pointed in one of the previous posts itself)… so when I enrolled it is all so impressively professionally managed… or so it seemed…

Meet the physio they say… “the” physio is actually a group of people with weird looking instruments and weirder ideas… they try to find some fault in your body when there is none… come on man, I am there not to reduce weight or make myself look like the Mr.Prefect… I am here to have a general level of fitness and stamina with a little bit of muscle toning that comes in with a light cardio workouts… which means “I suddenly have a lot of money and I feel that the corporate discount was good enough… and yeah I wont be visiting too often…” so a session of fat measurements using vernier callipers and making me stretch muscles I knew never could be stretched, they found that I had an alarming 6% body fat as against the norm of 5.5% or something like that… so now the nutritionist takes over…

And what a stunning nutritionist she was… I could hear “and here come nutri-marie at 5ft 2inches weighing 170 pounds she is one of the lightest WWE superstars around” in the background… she could stun with a flick of her little finger if she could bend it enough to flick that is… and she asks me what do I eat… and as soon as I start off she is alarmed… “what no solid breakfast?” “what 3 cups of coffee?” “what 3 spoons of sugar a day?” “what no fruits?” and “what – u eat rice? In all the meals?”

Hey!!! I have to survive…

Any south indian worth his rice would have nightmares going to a dietician/nutritionist at any fitness club… the reason – they are so anti-rice… we just can’t leave a tradition of rice hogging southie culture just so that we can try to get into that six pack ab-domain… and what is the guarantee that it will give me that… I mean unlike coffee, the wonder drug that keeps you awake as soon as you have it, wheat does not give you six packs immediately on eating it…

You go to any surd-ka-dabha and order meals… a typical one is with some 3 rotis and a bowl of rice… if you wanna substitute the rice with the roti, you get another measly 2 or if they are generous, 3 rotis… come on – don’t you know that rotis are appetizers… go to an andhra restaurant and order unlimited meals, they serve you some rotis in the start… then comes the unlimited rice… UNLIMITED – get it… if I were to shift to a roti-only-thali I would go hungry !!! for the same money I get nightmares where the rice is accusing me of baseless treachery…

Not to mention the side effects when I am watching other people around me happily feasting on the rice and biryanis… years of rice hogging has given me a voracious appetite… and that nutritionist has the cheek to advice me to have a heavy breakfast – of 2-3 idlies –if I eat just 2-3 idlies I will die of starvation (and please don’t mention that idlies are made of rice and I wont be able to have that too… worse she might ask me to have wheat idlies yuck !!!) and a lunch of 2-3 chapatis, avoid rice – and ? I mean I have to eat a main course after an appetizer round right? And have a bowl of fruit in the late evening…fruit bowls actually make me hungrier – however big they are… that is why I avoid fruits in the first place… and then the best part – have a light dinner… according to her, the lunch was heavy!!!

And where is the coffee in the picture – I need it… it is the elixir of life… Now if only she had looked herself in the mirror, she might have felt a little guilty… what was she trying to achieve, saving the food ration for herself !!!

I am sorry lady… I am not the rich-anorexic-modeling-kids you normally get as clients… I am here on a fat company discount and I am dictating my terms… I am like this only and will be for time to come… I will hog like a pig, make me run like a horse…