life in a metro's volvo

Pre-script: This post is jinxed… this has been a long pending post. Whenever I start it during the time I have wait for something to happen, that thing happens very fast… when I am not waiting for something, something else comes up… or else if there is no something coming up, then there is this thing called nothing… I have almost written and re-written it a million times in my head, but putting in print has always been outta reach

Post-pre-script: No claims that its gonna be a great read just because its been in the grill for so long. Anyways, thanks for reading it.

First love:

I am always fascinated by foreign models... automobiles I mean… they always seem so superior in technology... I have always gaped open mouthed they are paraded on the motorshows on tv even if they sounded stupid when they say “yeh Yamaha rd 6 tho bahut bemisaal hai”… pardon my hindi – am so busy looking at them models that I didn’t pay attention to the exact words… but yeah it is nice watching all those auto shows and dreaming how nice it would be if I could be that reporter or camera guy, and getting paid for looking at all those beautiful models…

The first time I saw this bus I didn’t believe it… was it actually a Volvo… what has happened to the Indian government? How could they turn a blind eye to such a good thing on the Indian roads… that too in the potholed roads of Bangalore… it is a sacrilege to allow good things to happen to the people of India… then I assumed it would be damn expensive like all good things… and I even assumed that it would be totally useless one on the roads probably doing a very small route and asking for an exorbitantly huge fares for the stupid air-conditioning and the suspension… and of course the Volvo safety that is a fallacy on the Indian roads… hah… I am not falling for the looks - can’t we see that it is predominantly empty because of the fares… I catch the local BMTC bus that is looking like a fevicol ad bus and manage to squeeze myself in and hoping that in the long journey that is going to take me about an hour to clear through the traffics of MG road, Richmond Road, and Majestic I would get some more space to put my other foot down on the flat floor of the bus… and all the while I keep watching the Volvo to find out where it is gonna turn off in some different direction... that day I found that kempegowda bus terminus is the same as majestic aka city railway station when the Volvo followed my overcrowded bus the whole damn way…

I know what you ate last night:

This bus is not one I would recommend for claustrophobics or people with highly sensitive noses (u know those noses that are usually blocked when a nice smell like a sweet perfume or aroma of great cooking, but perks up when you are passing by some open drain or railway track settlements). Especially during peak hours. Well since this Volvo is a completely closed container, with the air being circulated mostly within the bus itself, you are normally breathing some 50% (eupho-optimistic estimate) stale air… and it smells stale because it is a mix of body odor (after a hard day’s work and lunch) plus the engine’s diesel fumes odor and the smell that you get when sunlight falls on a seat through the glass windows… well this greenhouse effect (wot else will you call a mix of green house gases and a glass container) is what I hate about the Volvo… at least if you are in a car you can roll down the windows for a while and be happy that you are breathing the pure pollution rather than the refined ones that pass through the Volvian filters which helps me identify what the guy seated next to me had for lunch or dinner… good luck if you find a good cook and you can maybe get invited for dinner…

The woman in red:

It is one thing that we are in a Volvo – a sophisticated looking means to travel that puts us in the league of the developed nations of the world in terms of the modern public transport systems that have arrived in India… but the similarity ends there… people still want that 50% reservation for women in the buses… too bad there are no hooks in the back of the center seats where we can hang a chain and block out the women’s section from the men’s (and the men can travel ticketless as the conductor is usually trapped on the other side…). But the people have found an invisible chain by which they are bound to the culture of India that says all men who travel in buses are out there to “eve-tease” women and the women who travel in buses are poor things who are so beautiful and helpless that every hormone driven male wants to propose to her to make her his n^th wife (except of course the driver and the conductor who are gentlemen).

So there is this 4 seater section in the front half of the Volvo that is with the seats facing each other (which any engineer would point out that it gives the maximum leg space)… and since I am blessed with long legs, obviously that is my fav area to get seated… so there is this invisible chain that is the great gender divide stops women from taking the empty next to a guy in the men’s side of the four-seater-section even if that is the last seat in the bus… in some ways it is good for thick-skinned-long-legged person like me because I get to extend our legs well and have a comfy ride without having to knock the knees of the person opposite to you…

So this day I find myself in a pretty decently crowded bus and the seat in front of me is empty… I look around and can’t believe my luck when I find all the standees are women… so I happily get adjusted to slouch into my seat and start extending my legs deep into the recess under the opposite seat at the same time feeling unhappy that the Indian society has such a bad impression about males… and I am now settled comfortably and looking forward to a comfortable ride, when suddenly this dark-fat-ugly woman in a gaudy red colored saree makes me get back to my uncomfortable upright position and takes the seat opposite… the #^(#!%@ 8!+(#

The girl in white:

There are many good reasons to travel in the Volvo and most of them are the good looking girls who are regulars… (what to do, at this age all you can think of is getting a good life partner who matches your like and dislikes, for example love for foreign vehicles). So there I am in a particularly crowded one ogling at the regulars hoping that at least one of them might hit it off…

Getting jostled and pushed in the bus built for even standing comfortably (but it fails here too because of the great Indian crowd) I manage to reach a seat that was getting empty… and then I saw her. She was bright intelligent looking and dressed in a simple crisp white shirt and black trousers; looking specially cute with those rimless glasses and short loose curly hair. Well I tell myself what is the point day dreaming man – what is the probability that she is going to come over and sit next to me (remember the Indian culture thingee above) and even if she did what is the probability of having a conversation with her?

I immerse myself into the product manuals so that I can prove myself at least at work when I see some movement from the corner of my eye… the guy seated next to me gets off and then the impossible happens – she is there waiting to occupy the vacated spot… wonder of wonders – she is seated in the seat beside me… so what? That is probably the end of the story and I get back to my reading…

Then, a small voice asks – “does company X (the one I am working) have a branch in location Y (where the bus is headed)?” (she had noticed the huge logo in the printout). I am surprised as this is probably the first time that somebody has shown some cognizance about my company, and that too a girl, and a pretty one at that and on top of it she started it. So I say proudly (because I am billable) that I am at a client location and as I am still recovering from my shock at her knowledge and intelligence, I ask her how do you know about this company?

“Oh that, my husband works in the same company… his name is …”

“Murpheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!! what were you thinking when you wrote that law.”

Btw, looks like by the sheer sample size TCS has a lot of good looking girls, but there is no safe statistical way we can find out their marital status.

PS. Nowadays I have switched to the bus that is run by my tech park… saves me a lot of heartbreaks and I even get to sleep all during the way.