Da(m)n Brown

I have no personal vendetta against him, nor am I prejudiced. I am just a kid who grew up reading “The Hardy Boys” and “The Three Investigators” kind of novels. The kind of fascination and awe I had for those novels are not the same as those that I have for the 4 Dan Brown novels… might be because I was a school kid teenager then and now I am a mature adult… but then Dan Brown’s books were meant for adults right?

But let us get into the fundamental question… is he really the great author that everyone portrays him as? Unputtdownable !!! awesome plots !!! stupendous narration !!! fast paced thriller !!! "I love Dan Brown" !!!

Is it so?

Let me tell you how to become a Dan Brown…

Watch a lot of movies… English action ones preferably those on the lines of extreme action Mission Impossible series and Bond movies… here you can get the fast paced narration. The high speed car chases on the English mountains to the amazing navy seal rescue operations can be copy pasted into one of the chapters… you don’t even have to mention the source or fear copyright problems…

Also watch a lot National Geographic and Discovery. Here you will get a lot of information on the most pressing issues of the world right from the historical paintings in Paris from the 800BC to the abnormal rock formation at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. Just pay attention to the detail, google up the jargons and you have more text for your descriptive passages. It does not matter if the “facts” are technically correct or if the words actually connect. Just put them in with amazing words just cooked up from around the world like massively multiprocessor data diagnostics for software encryption and decryption to chrondules and vortices and Bernoulli principles used for skydiving (implying actually it is enough if you have studied a little bit of high school physics for jumping off an aircraft without a parachute).

Next, cook up a plot, does not matter if it is half cooked, but it should be really bizarre and location should be even more bizarrely exotic… like the polar ice-caps or the internal storage vault of NSA’s information system or the most religious area of the Vaticans. The plot should be as terrific a president attempting to prove that spaceships actually landed on the earth and that we are aliens, just to preserve his tenure and get re-elected. Only the president himself is only a puppet in the whole drama of deception and deceit and all the mass murders… it was his limousine driver, who is actually a CIA-KGB double agent working to preserve world peace by preserving the secrets that would otherwise be instrumental in creating a nuclear catastrophe.

And mix all of them together to form a khichdi of events from movies, “substantiated” with factual jargons from technology and pull in nature’s help from national geographic and discovery and just follow the plot as the central backbone – and VOILA… you are Dan Brown… oops sorry… not yet, the central character should be a man, and of course he should have a initially fragile lady who changes into a fighting tigress over the course of the story…

If you are still not pissed off and if you still want to read about what I think of each of his 4 books read on. This torture would have been spared if I had had the patience to finish all the 4 books of his in one go unlike now, where I actually found time to finish the last of it after I learnt blogging. I sincerely apologise. (I am also trying to get over my addiction to tea, these outbursts can also be called withdrawal symptoms when I try to do something else to get my mind out of thinking about tea.)

The Da Vinci Code – the book that shot him to fame is nothing more than a marketing gimmick. His other books were not as controversial as this one attacking the celibacy of the world’s most celebrated bachelor. The silly puzzles of anagrams and crazy killings are an insight into the author’s level of imagination – a worthy Hardy Boys plot or some other teenager book. Put in a lot of adult characters and a mention of a sexual orgy, it becomes a novel worthy of the mature adult mind. Thank god, it was not based on Islam, otherwise it would have been war instead of demonstrations.

Angels and Demons – a really forgettable book, though the plot appeared better than da Vinci code… the imagination is bizarre where a man of god can actually murder the pope for the sake of religion… amazing imagination. And the man of god is well versed with flying army choppers and parachuting, which is quite common these days.

Digital Fortress – an amazing tale of software security, but told at the wrong time. In today’s world which is practically running on the assumption that everyone understands IT, the author himself does not; the naiveté of the author to trust the world on non-piracy oriented software sharing…

Deception Point – amazing how simply assumptions are made with respect to tasks… a 8 ton massive rock is just very easily insert up a huge glacial ice land in the arctic… and how a small software bug can actually cost the president his political strength… the icing in the cake… the fish that are so central to the book’s story… absolutely comical end. If you ever read it, don’t miss the epilogue.

15 minutes of fame

He was tired and hungry… or hungry and tired… or maybe tired because he was hungry… the 4 cups of thin cutting-chai he had at various roadside shops didn’t help. He had not had a single passenger since morning. And he was not lazing around. He had woken up at 5am and left the house, if he could call it that, at 5:30. He lived in Gandhinagar, which is what is normally called the outskirts of the city, but at least it had a good sounding name. The house was a small brick enclosure, actually very cheap brick just held together by plain cement and white paint and a tin roof. It cost him 1000 rupees per month just for rent. Apart from that the landlord would take 200 rupees for things like water and electricity that were supposed to be available at the turn of a tap and the flick of a switch; things that happened only in the landlord’s words.

He thought about the golden days when he as a kid lived in the now congested area in the center of the city. His father was not a great businessman and did not earn a handsome income. But he was at least not in poverty, getting a decent earning by selling vegetables on the handcart in the nearby residential areas. They had rented a good house, unlike the one in which he lived now. It even had the red cement flooring. And once in 3-4 years they did whitewash the house. It was in his early 20s when he could no longer find a job for his eighth-class-school-dropout qualification, that he decided to take up driving the auto rickshaw. He had used up all his homes savings to give the deposit to the rickshaw owner, and he had not gotten it without a fight. Luckily he had no sisters.

Then he got married and the wife seemed lucky. Business started booming for him as there were more and more passengers in the city of Bangalore. The government, his dad told him having heard from his customers on his regular rounds, was letting a lot of foreign companies come into Bangalore. And also there was some Bangalore guy who had even started his own company and was competing with them. All of a sudden the neighborhood had a lot of new faces and new kinds of people came in, all in their costumes of crispy full-sleeve cotton shirts and crazy colored ties, typing away in front of big black screens of what was called the computer. His over-worn khakhi shirt seemed real bad in front of those passengers and he started wearing a t-shirt and a shirt on top of it if the cold became unbearable.

And then it happened. The landlord hiked up his rents. What was once a house for 300-400 rupees was now hot property going at 3000-4000 rupees per month in rent. And his dad was no longer healthy enough to work harder to satisfy the gap, and anyways it was too big a gap. And slowly they moved into the outskirts, and as the city started gobbling up the outskirts, they were pushed farther and farther away. Finally it now took him at least 10km of travel to get to his earlier business area. And that distance was hell in the peak hour traffic.

Jolted back to reality at the sound of a blaring horn, he slowed down. He wanted money that day, if not for anything else at least to feed himself a decent meal. And it was late in the night, and he wanted to get home. It was at the beginning of airport road that he saw him waving down an autorickshaw ahead in vain. He was well dressed and wore a tie, carried a leather like black bag which contained a thin computer; technology had improved so much. In the slow pace that he reached he studied the guy’s face as it showed a temporary relief on seeing another autorickshaw. As he neared him, he heard “Marthahalli”… and he did not stop… he was not keen on it. Marthahalli was just 4-5 kms from that place and would hardly fetch him 20-30 bucks… hardly enough for the trouble he had been through the entire morning. Why do people want to travel just short distances? Don’t they realize that he has to travel from very far away to come to the business area? Moreover he had to travel further on after dropping him off to his home… what is the guarantee he would get another passenger at the place he drops of this guy? He felt it was not value for the effort, even though the guy wanted to get off en-route to where he was actually headed… How many people did he have to say no to for short distances? The government should pass a rule that short distance travelers should not hail autorickshaws and waste time and pay a fine if they did. This money should then be shared amongst the auto drivers in the city.

But he stopped hardly 5 meters away from the executive for a small drink of tea. At least something to satiate his growling stomach. The executive thought he had stopped for him… naïve guy… a sarcastic smile spread across his unshaven face. He shook his head vigorously at the harried executive and made his way towards the petty shop. He shook his head again as the executive pleaded with him arguing that he wanted to travel in the same direction as he was headed and he would even pay some 10 bucks above the metered amount. Hmmph… what did these guys think? Just because they earn a lot they can buy off anyone? Of course, there are some extra charges that are charged by rickshaw drivers, but justified by the hardships faced by the drivers depending on the time of the day and the area they had to travel to…

He cribbed to the chaiwala about the condition of Bangalore, those good old days and even the thin watery chai he was being given. The harried executive looked at him with another pleading look which made him look away. This time he chuckled to himself looking in the other direction. Those few minutes that he had over the high earning high flying executives; money can’t buy you everything guys. Probably he would be able to negotiate a three times fare, it is already late, and he could see no other autorickshaw in any direction.

He saw the executive pull out his mobile phone and flip it open with an irate expression on his face. Another display of opulence; where else can these guys spend their wealth? Why can’t they take a simple reliance phone like him? They don’t need that much money. The government should actually tax these people more and give the excess funds to the needy like himself. He heard him chatter away something on the phone in English. The executive must have been a call center guy for he could speak English so well. He himself could have been a call center guy, employed and being ordered around. Instead he had chosen like many of his heroes to drop out of school and be an entrepreneur. He was his own master, and a proud one at that. So what if he were hungry for some time; he had his pride.

The chai was almost over and he thought, he would give the executive a slow hint that he would not mind dropping him off for a fare that is nominal at this time of the night, around three times the metered fare. Then he would watch him hungrily lap up the offer, though it might hit his budget. But then these executives are paid in thousands; so why don’t they pay money which is luxury for them anyways. And he would enjoy the discomfort of his passenger as he would reluctantly agree to his savior, even if he proves to be a bit costly. At that point he would be like god to the executive, who would realize that money cannot buy everything, and the auto-driver, a poorer man, wields the actual power.

He dropped the cup near the card board box provided for it and turned around loudly cursing the guy who had placed the box at the wrong distance. A bike screeched to a halt in front of the executive and another similarly dressed guy takes off the helmet. They exchanged pleasantries and spoke a language that he did not know and hence could not hear them cursing him. Then the two of them looked at their watches and the waiting executive gets on the back of the bike and before zooming away makes a close fisted hand and shakes it at him. He realized it was not actually close fisted and there was one long finger pointing upwards.

The government should fine people for making rude signs at innocent people, he thought.

perils of education

I was reading an article today about supply chain management and I came across a statement that was actually very meaningful… it said “the number of people that aspire to be truck drivers or warehouse workers is shrinking. Our children are better educated than previous generations and want to pursue other kinds of careers”…

Now we are generally made to believe throughout our upbringing that education is the single biggest wealth that cannot be taken away from us… now is that causing problems? A long time back I remember my dad telling me, people used to take up jobs after many days and even months of searching… I have also seen movies related to those eras to prove the general mindset of the people in those times… in these days of campus placements that seems funny and illogical. But really, is it? My brain is still echoing with the words of the student from some remote village who had said “education is the only escape from my poverty”.

Another article in a leading business magazine had two pictures – one a smartly dressed sparkling young man, maybe his late 20s or early 30s and the other a poor looking not-so-well dressed (even to the point of dirty/grimy clothes) with a sad expression on his face, the age unfathomable because he looked tired and old, but at the same time he did not seem to be too old. It said something like are there enough jobs in India? Is India really shining? Not for the second guy…

But then what I felt at that time was there are a lot of people like the tired man… he was not as educated (in terms of the level) as the other guy who was probably a software guy… the poor guy might be having the qualification suiting that of a line worker – more requirements from a physical labor than an intellectually straining job. What was stopping him from investing in a good education and moving above the poverty line…? I personally know of a few people who were initially in the physical labor category and moved on to become software engineers thanks to the boom that happened… sometimes bugs are good, especially the y2k ones…

The question here is the investment… but then today there are a lot of options available to fund education… also the education investment is like a sure shot return category where the centers of knowledge tend to arrange for getting you a job. So what is stopping them…?

But is education going to cause problems to progress…? This is an angle that we had never thought of. What if everyone aspires to become software engineers or management consultants? All the elite jobs are the only aspirations… people don’t even want to consider joining some jobs that would under-employ their education/capabilities? So let us focus the discussion on truck driving (as in as an example… people are not to assume that this is the only profession).

So would a truck driving job sound lucrative to a guy who has say done his MBA and is looking at the Mckinseys and BCGs… now I am not going to reiterate on the skills that an MBA can teach you, but what are the skills a truck driver would want apart from truck driving? Look at the various possibilities that the MBA jargon can throw at you – supply chain management, logistics, taxation, warehouse management, resource management, negotiation skills, hard selling, bargaining, economies of scale, strategic cost management, activity based costing, impact of the crude oil prices on the inflation of the Indian economy, the cascading effect on the interest rates, the stock price of your company, the market capitalisation of the companies you are the logistics partner of, their effect on the indexes, long term market share, share of the customer’s mindspace, 3Ps, 4Cs, porter’s framework for competitor analysis, SWOT analysis, portfolio management, new services offering, services management, sustaining customer value, entry barriers, exit barriers, telecom and IT in truck driving management… and so on… the list is endless…

And let us look at the job description… the role would involve extensive traveling and opportunity to work with the customers, a more functional kind of outlook and the opportunity to gain domain expertise. Networking skills and communication skills are tremendously important when you meet the authorities at the different borders. And then the perks… for a complete auto junkie, you cannot ask for more – absolute power at arms length… what can those SUVs or good looking sports cars compete where it really matters. For travel junkies you get to travel throughout the country, the roads are yours… you visit different cities from Srinagar to Kanyakumari, Mumbai to Meghalaya the choice is yours.

So what is stopping people from taking it up? Well the pay could be one such issue… that is a sadly neglected area in the Indian industry. Compensation has to be in commensurate with the economy and companies should benchmark themselves with the competition. However the competition in this case is not the other truck companies, but any other company. What will happen if all the truck drivers decide to do a course in J2EE… they would be the most sought after guys for the ever booming software sector. Well J2EE is not tough you know, any truck driver with enough money can learn it.

So what is the gain for companies? They can look at hiring part-time employees like McDonalds… students during their vacations… the visibility it will give them amongst their logistics partners… the truck companies will also have to do some hard selling… maybe even come to campus… provide lucrative working conditions, global standards in truck designs and cabin facilities… world recognition in terms of quality trucks leading to future export markets…

What a butterfly effect it can produce with just one small decision to become a truck driver…

guru @ times of indiapoised . now

There are 2 kinds of movies that give you a cramped feeling and want to yawn and stretch out at the end of it. The first one is the kind where u tend to fall asleep in the limited space available in the “rocking” chair and unable to actually stretch the legs and snooze off comfortably. The other ones that actually make u sit up cramped and take no notice of comfort, where you want to hang on to every single word that is being said, every single muscle that acts and every single character that comes by on the screen…

Guru falls into the second category. Mani Ratnam has done a splendid job of abhishek bachan, changing his persona from a dumb cop/husband roles to one of real essence that actually makes the blood tingle in the veins whenever you see his “expressionless” face. When the simple villager seems to be pushed back by everyone who is conservative and has no faith in the future, in their own son, you are reminded of big B’s rendition of the India poised -
“ There are 2 Indias in this country – one India is straining at the leash… eager to spring forth and live up to all the adjectives that the world has been recently showering upon us. The other India is the leash.”

Starting with his dad who does not believe that he can do well in his endeavor so on up to the government and the press who are bent on slandering him just because he is successful through the normal ways of the system – bribery and corruption, the movie showcases hypocrites who are generally scared of big things in life. They are happy leading their mundane useless existence, but would not want to change for the better; which is absolutely fine, but then why pull down somebody who wants to break out of the mold. Like where was the government when gurubhai was building up the tax evasions little by little? They were the ones who were accepting the fact and the money and turning a blind eye to it all. (I have people who vouch for those practices being sanctioned by the government itself for tax “benefits” as they are called in this case even today.) But the individual is indispensable to the government and can be called into an inquiry and bullied into bankruptcy and anonymity...

And the best part is when the public “awareness” builds up and they realize that bachan is actually screwing them by resorting to unlawful means of cost reduction and business building. A guy who has made people wealthy by making them shareholders of his empire in return for a measly sum of money from them, that has given them many times the returns, certainly deserves something more than the accusations of the masses. That is why the really intelligent people don’t do anything for the masses… what is the point? Screw them…

There is no obvious fault in the movie except for a few redundant songs and there could have been somebody who could act for the role of sujatha, abhishek bachan’s wife… probably mallika sherawat could have been used throughout the movie.

The dialogues are very strong and supporting the delivery were the background scores… especially when in the split second the mood changes and bachan transitions from hero to villain within the same scene and for the same household. The whole combo just makes you feel kinda proud of the guy on the screen. The movie could not be better timed especially when the India poised campaign of big B is on the screens today. It really makes you feel proud that you are Indian. Or does it?