Serendipity or Stupidity...

Before you start thinking I am gonna bash another movie again, I am sorry to disappoint you guys… I had watched the tamil remake of it too “JayJay” the only difference with the $5 bill replaced by a 100 rupee note and the flights with the Indian railways. I really liked that movie and it was a nice feel good movie which made me feel good… despite its predictability…

My discussion here is about fate… or rather the belief in it… or even better my disbelief in it.

For a background of the movie, it is about a guy and a girl who accidentally meet by some coincidence at the same point in space and time. And they spend the evening together enjoying each others company until things begin to get nasty. The girl, who believes in karma, (i.e., you will get whatever is predestined and all that crap), leaves him without her contact even though she likes him and the guy has been courageous or shameless enough to confess his liking for her. But they start a game, a dangerous one, leaving their fate in the hands of fate (somebody whom they don’t even know), hoping that someday each one would find the other person’s artifact and also actually get in touch.

Now though it appears to be a beautiful romantic adventurous thriller, it failed to appeal to me in that genre. I am an MBA and I do possess a very high self esteem quotient. I believe I control my destiny to a very large extent at least. And I live in the present never trusting the future… something called hedging I guess (if I am wrong, srk please correct me in private, not in the comments). So the best thing that they could have done was to spend the rest of their lives together from that moment on…

I don’t see any logic behind it but rather I see it as a shirking of a decision making responsibility… if by luck we are forced to meet again, then let us get married and let us call it a bad luck later. This technique is also called “passing the blame” and here “lady luck” will not talk back rite…

In today’s competitive environment I apply to some 20 companies for a job, even though my placement cell assures me of one. Now for a life partner, would I not attempt to apply to some 3-4 at least? Just think of the pure wastage of money – how many 100 rupee notes can I give away? I would rather spend 6 times that amount on two slices of cake for dessert in JW Marriott at midnight with the girl… where is the ROI immediate guys… I am not a VC and don’t intend becoming one to write off such wasteful investments.

A long time ago, when my dad wanted to cure me of my laziness, he used to say “God helps those who help themselves”. From that day on I stopped trusting God; I only expect help from humans, most often my mom. But here it really makes a significance. After a lot of years (though the movie says “few” years only) of seeing regular signs from the almighty, the 2 characters start realizing that they should have accepted the PPO than wait for the finals, as the profile was much better there (sorry for the jargon guys, but it is autumns time). So during those 2 days when they start the search, they both get the artifacts delivered into their hands at almost the same time. And they do some how manage to get in touch and finally live happily ever after… I looove happy endings…

But what really pisses me off – wastage… those years of wasted companionship… the wastage of another girl’s life and dreams when her wedding is called off… the wastage of another guy’s romance… the unnecessary violet suit that cost 700 dollars… the 95 dollar hideous looking purple tie…

So the next time u think of living by fate think again… it is ok to wait for someone whom you know will come for you, but it is stupid to rely only gut feel demand forecasting. It is better to take a wrong decision and make a mistake than be too stupid.

The love that broke all relationships…

And all the barriers to tears and laughter and all that mixed emotions let loose sitting right under the noses of those larger than life images er umm I mean characters… KANK (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kahna) was an absolute family entertainer… especially the kid with the violin brought back memories of a similar barrier breaking movie a few years back, amazingly with almost the same lead characters and one guest actor from today’s movie… yes of course there were wonderful guest actors in today’s grand party thrown by BigB.

Mentioning BigB – he rocked as always… and he was the “baap of chota bachan in all aspects”… smart, stylish, suave, sensible, sexy, seductive, and superb (fits the mckinsey 7S framework well) and and he really lived his part… and died it too… though for what bloody reason, I have no clue…

SRK does his usual role of a sad doleful faced acting which is turning into a common mimicry dialogues that any tom, dick or harry is doing these days. Preity Zinta tries to appear sexy, but she can do little to fight a losing battle with old age, maybe a little less hair color would suit her better, unless she is hoping for a role in “Legally Blonde-3” (I heard they were going to stick to the truly implied meaning of words this time”). Rani is good especially in that multicolored song that they do, but then I always had a soft corner for her. Chota Bachan needs a shave and a bit of slimming down, or probably it is the sadness in his life that has given him a sleepless bloated faced look… whatever be the case, next to BigB, he seems to be unattractive. Kajol and John Abraham did a great and important role… it was nice to see kajol keeping her eyesight and also her beauty… no comments on John’s musical know how required for DJ-ing.

The movie is an absolutely great value for money – for just 50 bucks I got to sit in an A/c theater for nearly 4hours and the closest to the stars than anybody else, with the maximum leg room. (Had a little neck pain and back strain, but those are small issues.) Had the right moments to stimulate your tear glands (but not before exercising those 15 facial muscles while laughing)… and they summarize the movie at important points to help you remember and even provide an executive summary in the beginning. I was thoroughly happy with the ending (or probably when it ended, can’t be sure).

A very well recommended family entertainer, though the families in the movie are rarely in the “entertained frame of mind”… but the ending is a happy one, and I looovee happy endings… absolutely touching piece of work. Highly recommended for a stressed out MBA breadwinner, coming home to a nagging wife and kid who constantly pester him for a family outing to the theater – it may provide you a permanent solution with just one stroke.

Over a cuppa chai…

During my engineering days we called it “maangaa” sessions (in tamil slang) or “laccha” or "guppe maarna" (in the general college lingo)… those were trivial pursuits done in unknown innocence… these days we call it “intellectually stimulating discussions”… how is that for the mba touch…

It all begins when at least one of the "thinkers" feels some kind of emotion – ranging from being down in the dumps or to the perfect ecstasy – in other words, any which way, who cares. It is almost always late night, but it can occur during the day too, provided rule 1 above applies. We just need a trigger and we somehow always find it.

What do these discussions contain? It is done generally as a feel good discussion where we discuss anything and everything ranging from politics to your roomies stinking underwear.

This is the place where we criticize AB for his expressionless acting talent. Here is where we criticize the guy who said “yaar, AB mein thoda talent tho hai”…

Here is where we criticize the subjects that we are forced study to despite their irrelevance… and here is where we criticize the prof when the subject is chosen by us…

Here is where we criticize the marking and grading system of the college… and here is where we criticize the management for not coming up with some form of evaluation that is overall fair and beneficial to all…

Here is where we discuss sensitive issues that are plaguing the Indian government like lack of education and the deprived mass… here is where we crib about our spacious and snug flats and crib how boring it is to study…

Here is where we talk about making drugs and alcohol legal… and here is where we talk about the benefits of making it into a slab based tax structure scheme based on the weight by volume ratio of alcohol in the drink to increase sales and capture market share…

Here is where we discuss about our placements and our dream companies… and here is where we criticize the ppt of the very same company for its lack of life and enthusiasm…

We criticize others and add points to our superiority score tally. We criticize the system and add more points. We criticize the system and others who follow the system and add more points. Finally we criticize the others who don’t follow the system and add still more points to the brimming tally. Here is where we draw energy from each others low stock and amplify it with each passing second. Here is where we revel in the fact that we are too proud to be proved wrong and how the others can never match in this level of intellectual maturity… and here is where revelations like “my mediocrity is definitely less mediocre than the mediocrity of others” happen…

Amazing thing I would miss when I leave this place – the intellectual cuppa chai… our intellectual stimulant.

Presentations and the paucity of time

Presentations are one of the most abused forms of evaluation in a mba program… whatever happens we are to give a presentation… and what a presentation in total contrast to the “communication skills” one that we made in the foundation course – all with jazzy animated gaudy pictures text and graphs (Disney would outsource its next movie to us…)

I am a scaredy-cat when it comes to public speaking… general gyaan is a different matter – I can give a discourse on my beliefs and the futility of the human existence in a materialistic world, but mugging up a bunch of facts about some company set eons ago in the early 80s or 90s from some 20 page case… and giving gyaan after the insufficient analysis. What are we? Magicians turned consultants? Giving direction to the company on what it should do after reading about it for the first time the previous night? And the prof sitting out there who would have been giving the same case generation after generation and have gained enough knowledge to ask questions that would stump even the master gassers…

All the above factors always work against me during presentations… whatever little confidence I used to self generate by looking at the ppt would dissipate when I find my groupies rehearsing… well I never believe in mugging up “good morning ladies and gentlemen… thank you for providing this wonderful opportunity for me to show you how I can put my foot in my mouth…”. I always was confident about speaking impromptu than I was about rehearsing because I at least had the excuse that I didn’t rehearse and I got intimidated by the crowd…

What is worse is the situation where in you are expected to wait like a sacrificial lamb till your number is being called in a random fashion. You know that you are gonna get screwed but don’t know when… and the longer he takes to call out your number the bigger the butterflies become – you know the ones in your stomach… they suddenly start feeling like dinosaurs and having dinosaurs in your stomach is not a very comfortable feeling. The slow fear avalanches into a trepidation and then makes you jump at any small twitch from the prof…

It all begins when the unprepared feeling kicks in at 3am the previous night… now you are so sleepy that your eyes remain firmly closed and have switched off all the character scanners… but your mind has that guilt alarm that says “boss it is ok if you sink alone, but today you are going to pull others in your group with you…”. That starts the dilemma – my bullet ridden body wants to sleep and my guilt ridden brain does not. A very disturbed sleep with bad dreams of daggers and blood and white tunics my eyes open to realize that the dagger was actually my roomie’s finger jabbing me. I hurriedly go about putting on formals after a hurried bath (both of which I hate) and stuff the tie into my bag and rush to the great dome triumphant at having accomplished the impossible – being there 5 minutes early before my group. I have missed my breakfast but so what? That shows my dedication doesn’t it?

Slowly my group filters in muttering their speech under their breath. First impact on unpreparedness. Then the CA in our group asks us “have you guys read the financial implication of the 600,000 we put in the lean management for increasing our throughput time”. Externally I remain silent like the rest of them, but inside I have my second impact – what if the prof asks me that question instead of the rest of the group, and what exactly was lean management? …throughput? …increasing ?

I open my laptop to go through the manual again, but the prof asks us to shut it and the show begins. Luckily we are not the first group and I seem to have time to find out what exactly was lean management and the rest of the question. But now during the presentation I cannot open my laptop… so I surreptitiously open it up under the table and I hear some tearing sound – I pray that it is not my LCD screen doing the honors. Somehow I manage to locate the manual, my face glowing like a beauty soap model in the light of the laptop screen. But I also read more unfamiliar symbols in the manual. I ask my groupie sitting beside me what they meant and he said something that sounded like greek and latin…

By now I am petrified as the probability of our group being next is increased (as the denominator is one down). And the prof calls the other group in our industry – am I to breathe a sigh of relief or should I fear the next new symbol that I am about to discover. But my CA now borrows my laptop for a quick glance, and I am forced to look at the action happening in the center of the room. I find some of my brave comrades being barraged under the machine gun fire of questions and fault finding under the effect of which the prof was just orgasmic… and after the brave soldiers were buried by their own countrymen (well who do you think asked those questions?) the prof dug up their graves to put them in deeper by pointing out presentation errors.

The butterflies were growing into the size of small birds now and I notice some really obvious errors in our presentations. Of course not my part, but my part was anyways strung with loads of gas and he might ask anyone to present in any order at any point in the presentation. We are not next nor the next. But the gunfire continues and my stomach is now host to a t-rex (and maybe more dinos) stomping in rhythm to my heart beat then ripples through my skin…

And finally the time comes, I am called in to do the most dreaded area of the presentation that I had no idea whatsoever (didn’t have time to ask our CA). And I go onto the center, a deafening silence surrounds me. I start speaking, the source of the words unknown, the meaning of the words unknown; in fact I can’t even hear what I am saying above the buzz of silence in my ears. Somehow I mechanically move to the laptop and press enter to move to the next slide. Then I hear the verdict that my turn is done and the other person substitute. I walk back in the same stupor that I was while in the center. My group finishes and the firing squad takes its shot. And then the prof puts our final writings on our tombstone and we are done. We go back to where we were seated, a huge sigh of relief washes away the t-rex and the other dinos. As the desk thumping fades, a fatigued relief washes over me and I just want to curl up under my blanket. We congratulate each other over the narrow escape that we have had and cross our fingers for a non-bottom of the pyramid score.

I go to my hostel to prepare for the other presentation in outsourcing that I have the next day. I go through the same dilemma and have a troubled sleep. But this time I dream about a freefall into darkness. I wake up to realize that there are only 15mins. I rush through my formals and into the classroom to see my group setting up the presentation; we were the first this time. They heave a sigh of relief on seeing me, as if I am the messiah; little do they know. My turn comes in pretty fast and I go ahead, gas away to glory and end the presentation. Desk thumping follows, and a couple of questions and some professorial criticisms later, I am back in my seat, indifference personified, eyes on my laptop screen, hands on the arrow keys, mind on winning the 7 lap race – deaf ears to what the others are presenting and the profs caustic comments.

What was the difference between the first and the second day – no time and so no evolution from butterflies to dinosaurs and hence no fatigue.